this work is the most unsettling form of devotion. but i think its triumph lies in how grounding it is—through its likening to piety and the act of sacrifice for creation. i felt my own devotion tested—my devotion to fiction and creative liberty—as i tried to rationalize the unconventionality, if only to keep myself from recoiling in disturbance. i think that reaction itself speaks volumes about my appreciation for your ability to visualize such visceral carnality.
Thank you for your very generous words. This piece is definitely...different for me but I admit I found a lot of freedom in really going to the edges of what I consider to be disturbing. It hits easier when a pretty voice like Laura says it. Appreciate you as always.
this feels like channeling. the consistency throughout feels lived or experienced. i still want to know what was wrong with dad, what mama was feeling, and if what we arrived at was a transcendentalism or the musings of a poltergeist.
Oh my goodness, I love that read- that she was a ghost. Imagine, eternity in silence, with only your own body to entertain yourself. It could be that for sure…and I think that kind of Hell is a terrifying thought!
The Mother is classically distant, cold and has left Laura vulnerable. The Father is violent and weak. I had in my head by the end that Laura was always mentally unwell, because she was a victim of abuse, but without pathologising her too much, she needs order or control and uses her own body to get it. What she actually gets is transcendence, she transforms herself through self mutilation. She acts as a sacrifice for something that she sees as whole and beautiful and worthwhile, even comparing herself to Jesus.
Ultimately, she was treated very badly by those who were supposed to love her and turned inwards, destroying herself so she could be loved.
It’s not out of the realms of reality, I always think of Rosemary Kennedy who was given a lobotomy for being too “wild”, Nerissa and Katherine Bowes-Lyon and how it was totally acceptable to consider women property under patriarchy. I also think a lot (maybe too much) about Margery Kempe. I learned about her in school one day and I’m still shook to be honest with you.
Thank you Logan! It’s a slow burn. I tried to make it shorter but I think it needed a while to build into chaos. Appreciate you reading and commenting.
The line about the leg removal right after the paragraph going on about Jesus. Perfect execution. I felt that slam into me. This is my new favorite scary story. Incredible! Truly horrific.
Oh wowww. Thanks that is such a lovely compliment - especially coming from you! I think praying can be creepy- I mean I do slip back into my Catholic upbringing every now and again and start saying the Hail Mary- but I notice I usually do it when something really bad is happening I think prayer is kind of a form of desperation.
Not for everyone of course, it’s generally wholesome and helpful, I just use it personally when I’m freaking the fuck out.
Haha prayer is creepy. I grew up Catholic and I don't think I ever brought myself to fully believe in it, even as a kid.
I was thinking even more about this story and how the trauma from her attack triggered an outward change in her as well as causing her to become obsessed with this artwork she was making. How these things really do make us numb as we rip into ourselves and try and fix the damage with anything distracting.
So brilliant. I'll be thinking about it for a long time.
This was very disturbing and made me a little sick to my stomach. Which is not an easy thing to do. It's very well done this creeping dread rings through the whole thing we're just waiting for something terrible. Then it comes but not at all once more like a slow descent into madness. Things just get worse and worse and the childlike narrator makes it even more terrible. She just seems so unhinged I'm not entirely sure she's not killing maids behind the scenes. So well done!
Laura, like her namesake is mad...I have never written something so disgusting but ut was fun to lean into it, while trying to keep it kind of sanitised with a *slightly posh* voice narrating it. Thanks so much for reading and for your feedback it means a lot ❤️
This is a chilling, atmospheric piece! And so sad, too. Poor lonely Laura. I, too, thought maybe her suitor had killed her and her father was driven mad with grief. And in her tomb, the embroiderer labors over her love offering. But, it is teasingly coy and there are many dark paths it could lead one down.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful feedback! It could go a few ways for sure. I go back and forth myself on what has happened to poor Laura.
You know what makes this piece so horrifying? I mean, there's the slow escalation, which builds dread so wonderfully (it doesn't matter that we can see where it's going—it's still terrifying!), and the descriptions are absolutely top-notch (I was wincing and cringing the entire time).
But the exclamation points are what truly push this story over the edge. All eighteen of them. Those exclamation points (plus the overall rhythm and tone you've crafted) give Laura such an earnest, enthusiastic voice...and THAT'S what's so unnerving. Without that dissonance, this still could've been a good story, but it would've boiled down to a well-executed "creepy concept with gross imagery." Instead, you have created true horror.
M, thanks so much for reading and for your thoughtful comments, they really brought up a few things for me to mull over.
Generally I stay well away from historical fiction, because, I’m always really afraid of getting it wrong. I picked up a book from a charity shop recently called “Irish Women’s Letters” (Compiled by Lawrence Flanagan) and it’s essentially a collection of letters over the course of the past couple of hundred years.
What really struck me was that the women, regardless of class and irrespective of time period, they pretty much spoke the way we do now. The tone is always light and conversational, particularly when it was among family members, so I kind of figured, well I can’t get it too wrong. My favorite letters were gossip about what embarrassing thing someone wore to a party somewhere…and you know, between sisters of Mother/ daughter, the conversation is very free of too much “proper” carry on. Also, I read some letters where really devastating things happened that were totally glossed over, there was a LOT of child loss and pregnancy loss for example. A lot of long illnesses and being bed bound. They seemed cheery in spite of such awful circumstances. The letters are very stream of consciousness for the most part.
As a former corporate worker and woman, I was an abuser of the exclamation point in emails, because you know, I got nervous making a point, or coming across too harshly (I laugh at this nonsense now), so I am a fiend for using an emoji or an exclamation point to soften the blow of my email which is probably as innane as asking for a report to be delivered on time.
Anyways thanks for reading, appreciate your feedback.
Love this story and how disturbing it is. I greatly desire for it to continue, or at least reveal the Mother's return to find Laura laid out in her room dissected by the framed beetle 🪲. More than anything I want Laura to be able to walk again and to reconcile with her father, to be able to go outside and walk through the garden, but alas it seems impossible. As far as crafting a story with historical depth, told in a unique first person perspective through letters your work has stolen my heart, keep it flowing, it's horrible and fantastic.
Would be awesome. Enjoyed the idea behind it so much and how you executed it was seriously sad when it ended. It just brought up so many questions, and that's one of the greatest things about writing, or writing well imo, it's when you plant so many seeds in your story, seeds that are viable and the reader is able to latch onto, they sprouted within me and grew of their own accord calling forth questions, questions about the incident of the rejected proposal, the torn dress, why was father so angry, why had he sent everyone away, it's almost as though I want to see the lovers perspective, the fathers perspective, and what has grown within me is that the lover killed Laura due to her rejection of his proposal, and the father in turn killed the suitor in a fit of rage, he had driven the servants out so he can hide his crime and bury the corpse of the suitor who killed his daughter but he is unable to bring himself to touch his daughters remains due to the violent desecration of her body and he goes mad. That's what grew within me and I thank you for it.
I thought I knew where it was going to at first, but then you took an unexpected direction and it was much more spectacular. Your character thinks like a 19th century girl and the gothic of the story feels even more natural because of it. Terrifying at times, but also incredibly poetic and moving. Well done.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback. It was one of those stories that wrote itself, it started one way and ended another. I'm glad of it!
The more I read the more my mind screamed at me, "Laura! What. Have. You. Done?!" So well written. I was dreading the idea that she might have died from her suitor...but still reading through I thought maybe not? And I kept second guessing myself on it! That was amazingly done!
Thank you for reading! I keep going back and forth myself on what happens to Laura! I wrote it one way...now I think I prefer your read. There is some ambiguity which I always enjoy! Appreciate your words, it's very encouraging.
this work is the most unsettling form of devotion. but i think its triumph lies in how grounding it is—through its likening to piety and the act of sacrifice for creation. i felt my own devotion tested—my devotion to fiction and creative liberty—as i tried to rationalize the unconventionality, if only to keep myself from recoiling in disturbance. i think that reaction itself speaks volumes about my appreciation for your ability to visualize such visceral carnality.
Thank you for your very generous words. This piece is definitely...different for me but I admit I found a lot of freedom in really going to the edges of what I consider to be disturbing. It hits easier when a pretty voice like Laura says it. Appreciate you as always.
i’m a fan!
this feels like channeling. the consistency throughout feels lived or experienced. i still want to know what was wrong with dad, what mama was feeling, and if what we arrived at was a transcendentalism or the musings of a poltergeist.
such a great story.
Oh my goodness, I love that read- that she was a ghost. Imagine, eternity in silence, with only your own body to entertain yourself. It could be that for sure…and I think that kind of Hell is a terrifying thought!
The Mother is classically distant, cold and has left Laura vulnerable. The Father is violent and weak. I had in my head by the end that Laura was always mentally unwell, because she was a victim of abuse, but without pathologising her too much, she needs order or control and uses her own body to get it. What she actually gets is transcendence, she transforms herself through self mutilation. She acts as a sacrifice for something that she sees as whole and beautiful and worthwhile, even comparing herself to Jesus.
Ultimately, she was treated very badly by those who were supposed to love her and turned inwards, destroying herself so she could be loved.
It’s not out of the realms of reality, I always think of Rosemary Kennedy who was given a lobotomy for being too “wild”, Nerissa and Katherine Bowes-Lyon and how it was totally acceptable to consider women property under patriarchy. I also think a lot (maybe too much) about Margery Kempe. I learned about her in school one day and I’m still shook to be honest with you.
The more I read, the better it got. WOW amazing’
Thank you Logan! It’s a slow burn. I tried to make it shorter but I think it needed a while to build into chaos. Appreciate you reading and commenting.
I read this twice. I loved it.
Oh wow thanks so much Maggie!
The line about the leg removal right after the paragraph going on about Jesus. Perfect execution. I felt that slam into me. This is my new favorite scary story. Incredible! Truly horrific.
Oh wowww. Thanks that is such a lovely compliment - especially coming from you! I think praying can be creepy- I mean I do slip back into my Catholic upbringing every now and again and start saying the Hail Mary- but I notice I usually do it when something really bad is happening I think prayer is kind of a form of desperation.
Not for everyone of course, it’s generally wholesome and helpful, I just use it personally when I’m freaking the fuck out.
Haha prayer is creepy. I grew up Catholic and I don't think I ever brought myself to fully believe in it, even as a kid.
I was thinking even more about this story and how the trauma from her attack triggered an outward change in her as well as causing her to become obsessed with this artwork she was making. How these things really do make us numb as we rip into ourselves and try and fix the damage with anything distracting.
So brilliant. I'll be thinking about it for a long time.
This was very disturbing and made me a little sick to my stomach. Which is not an easy thing to do. It's very well done this creeping dread rings through the whole thing we're just waiting for something terrible. Then it comes but not at all once more like a slow descent into madness. Things just get worse and worse and the childlike narrator makes it even more terrible. She just seems so unhinged I'm not entirely sure she's not killing maids behind the scenes. So well done!
Laura, like her namesake is mad...I have never written something so disgusting but ut was fun to lean into it, while trying to keep it kind of sanitised with a *slightly posh* voice narrating it. Thanks so much for reading and for your feedback it means a lot ❤️
This is a chilling, atmospheric piece! And so sad, too. Poor lonely Laura. I, too, thought maybe her suitor had killed her and her father was driven mad with grief. And in her tomb, the embroiderer labors over her love offering. But, it is teasingly coy and there are many dark paths it could lead one down.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful feedback! It could go a few ways for sure. I go back and forth myself on what has happened to poor Laura.
You know what makes this piece so horrifying? I mean, there's the slow escalation, which builds dread so wonderfully (it doesn't matter that we can see where it's going—it's still terrifying!), and the descriptions are absolutely top-notch (I was wincing and cringing the entire time).
But the exclamation points are what truly push this story over the edge. All eighteen of them. Those exclamation points (plus the overall rhythm and tone you've crafted) give Laura such an earnest, enthusiastic voice...and THAT'S what's so unnerving. Without that dissonance, this still could've been a good story, but it would've boiled down to a well-executed "creepy concept with gross imagery." Instead, you have created true horror.
Well done!
M, thanks so much for reading and for your thoughtful comments, they really brought up a few things for me to mull over.
Generally I stay well away from historical fiction, because, I’m always really afraid of getting it wrong. I picked up a book from a charity shop recently called “Irish Women’s Letters” (Compiled by Lawrence Flanagan) and it’s essentially a collection of letters over the course of the past couple of hundred years.
What really struck me was that the women, regardless of class and irrespective of time period, they pretty much spoke the way we do now. The tone is always light and conversational, particularly when it was among family members, so I kind of figured, well I can’t get it too wrong. My favorite letters were gossip about what embarrassing thing someone wore to a party somewhere…and you know, between sisters of Mother/ daughter, the conversation is very free of too much “proper” carry on. Also, I read some letters where really devastating things happened that were totally glossed over, there was a LOT of child loss and pregnancy loss for example. A lot of long illnesses and being bed bound. They seemed cheery in spite of such awful circumstances. The letters are very stream of consciousness for the most part.
As a former corporate worker and woman, I was an abuser of the exclamation point in emails, because you know, I got nervous making a point, or coming across too harshly (I laugh at this nonsense now), so I am a fiend for using an emoji or an exclamation point to soften the blow of my email which is probably as innane as asking for a report to be delivered on time.
Anyways thanks for reading, appreciate your feedback.
Love this story and how disturbing it is. I greatly desire for it to continue, or at least reveal the Mother's return to find Laura laid out in her room dissected by the framed beetle 🪲. More than anything I want Laura to be able to walk again and to reconcile with her father, to be able to go outside and walk through the garden, but alas it seems impossible. As far as crafting a story with historical depth, told in a unique first person perspective through letters your work has stolen my heart, keep it flowing, it's horrible and fantastic.
Thanks for reading!! You knowwww actually. Maybe a part two would be kind of amazing. You’ve just given me an idea!!
Would be awesome. Enjoyed the idea behind it so much and how you executed it was seriously sad when it ended. It just brought up so many questions, and that's one of the greatest things about writing, or writing well imo, it's when you plant so many seeds in your story, seeds that are viable and the reader is able to latch onto, they sprouted within me and grew of their own accord calling forth questions, questions about the incident of the rejected proposal, the torn dress, why was father so angry, why had he sent everyone away, it's almost as though I want to see the lovers perspective, the fathers perspective, and what has grown within me is that the lover killed Laura due to her rejection of his proposal, and the father in turn killed the suitor in a fit of rage, he had driven the servants out so he can hide his crime and bury the corpse of the suitor who killed his daughter but he is unable to bring himself to touch his daughters remains due to the violent desecration of her body and he goes mad. That's what grew within me and I thank you for it.
I thought I knew where it was going to at first, but then you took an unexpected direction and it was much more spectacular. Your character thinks like a 19th century girl and the gothic of the story feels even more natural because of it. Terrifying at times, but also incredibly poetic and moving. Well done.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback. It was one of those stories that wrote itself, it started one way and ended another. I'm glad of it!
The more I read the more my mind screamed at me, "Laura! What. Have. You. Done?!" So well written. I was dreading the idea that she might have died from her suitor...but still reading through I thought maybe not? And I kept second guessing myself on it! That was amazingly done!
Thank you for reading! I keep going back and forth myself on what happens to Laura! I wrote it one way...now I think I prefer your read. There is some ambiguity which I always enjoy! Appreciate your words, it's very encouraging.
Had to read some of this one through my fingers. Beautifully written and delightfully uncomfortable. The slow buildup of dread is 👏👏👏
Thank you so much for reading Emily! In the nicest possible way, I'm glad I made you uncomfortable lol
As you should be! 😂🤘
This was a visceral experience. I don't know what chilled me more... what she was doing to herself, or how beautifully she described it.
Thank you for your kind words and for reading 🙏
Here for it
Thanks so much for reading Pablo!
gross gross gross gross gross
(I loved it)
Thank you for reading!! I’m so glad you loved it!
It’s HORRENDOUS
Wow, this was so unsettling. Really good horror. At first I thought she was going to turn out to be dead.
Thank you for reading Hayley!
i absolutely love this. so beautifully written.
Thank you so much for your kind words Samantha!