I’m always so…unsure about trigger warnings. I personally appreciate them. There are topics that I find too difficult to read about. I think they are important but I did think when I added them here I said to myself ;” I probably wouldn’t read this”
Still!
Thanks so much for reading I appreciate the time you took and your feedback.
Really disturbing from the perspective of a child, and seeing how the indoctrination has been so deeply entrenched as to lead to a denial of sensations in the body.
Right!? Like I think that about things like circumcision. Or spanking as discipline. Why are we ignoring our eyes and ears in such situations? It’s crazy work in my opinion.
Love how you inferred the stark horror with a 'they're bad, we're good' flip. GoT (S5E9) some Handmaid's Tale and Shireen Baratheon feels, anointed with a dose of digitalis. Also some M. Night Shyamalan vibes. Great stuff.
Thanks so much for reading Johnathan and I got all of the references! I had The Handmaids Tale in me head- but you’re spot on about Shireen. How she scarcely believes what’s happening till it’s too late. I’ll never watch that episode again!
It was utterly galling to watch. I kept whispering “no, no, you can't…”. Went right off Melisandre after that - she's a whole witch/magic essay to herself. (And just goes to show Chris de B doesn't get it right every time… 😛)
She is such a fantastic character and I love how flawed she was. Like, there were moments where I felt a lot of empathy for her- she was wayyyy too sure of herself. Everyone failed poor Shireen.
I like the narrative voice in this piece. It’s kind of chilling effect to have a child telling a Grim tail. I’m sure that there’s a bunch of layers of meaning that I’m not catching with the reference, especially with the photo at the start and as a read, this makes me excited because it feels like you could read this multiple times and get more meaning as One does research ect. Really dig the world building and visualization. I was feeling like i was inside of a greenhouse.
Thank you so much for reading Miguel and for your really lovely feedback. I think I was trying to do a version of The Handmaids Tale. A lot of this stuff happens around the world. Like covering oneself completely…which I think could be freeing in some ways but making kids responsible for the actions of adults will never make sense to me.
Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I’m delighted you enjoyed it! I’m always a bit worried when something is so grim as to whether it will resonate!
Great story! This could be published in a market like Clarkesworld or Nightmare Magazine. If you like writing short fiction, keep them coming. I'd also consider sending them out.
Thank you George for your encouragement. I actually thought this was a bit dark for them! It’s such a difficult line to straddle…I have harm to kids and a lot of places will straight up reject. I should try though, you’re right!
Yes, the story is disturbing. Which is one of the reasons it’s good. I think that fiction should unsettle people and make them feel something, especially horror fiction. You gave a trigger warning at the beginning, so people know.
You also do a lot of worldbuilding and establish a unique voice in a very short piece, which is sophisticated writing. Not everyone has the chops to do it.
I’m not a writing guru, and I certainly don’t tell people what they should do. But I have read a lot of slush for professional markets, and I published some short fiction with decent markets back in the aughts. If I read this in the slush, I’d pass it on to the editor.
George! Ive been thinking about this comment all day because it’s one of the kindest ones I’ve ever gotten and it means a lot coming from you. I know Ive told you before but your essays are honestly among my favourite I’ve ever read.
I really appreciate your insight as a slush reader. Ive always wanted to know what that process is like!
In general, 90% of the stories you get in slush are not professionally written. Half of the remainder can be easily eliminated for one reason or the other. The last 5% are where it gets tough, especially if you love three stories but can only send one to the editor.
My biggest pet peeves as a slush reader were starting the story too early (i.e., four pages of backstory and the story starts on page 5) and being able to guess how the story ends after reading the first page. Once it was the first paragraph.
Thanks very much for the kind words. Writing is very important to me. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, but didn’t start sending my stuff out until I was 40. I made my first sale when I was 42 years old. Keep writing!
Thank you for the encouragement and that peak behind the scenes. I’m 40 now so same same. I think I was too busy and young before now though if I’m honest. Career and kids have always taken a lot of my time (not complaining the kids are brilliant jobs not so much lol)
Very interesting insights about the slush pile. I never knew that!
The Greenhouse is such a powerful image: something meant to preserve what is delicate slowly revealing itself as a place of surveillance, control, and sacrifice.
The sinking dread you managed to create so we slowly realize what is happening to these “foxgloves.” The victim-blaming, the infantilizing of the men who harm them like they’re the real victims, that poor kid not understanding the pain … that was rough. Beautifully written.
Sad. Horrifying. Well written. I was a little bit I don’t know when I read the trigger warnings, but it’s not exploitive at all.
I’m always so…unsure about trigger warnings. I personally appreciate them. There are topics that I find too difficult to read about. I think they are important but I did think when I added them here I said to myself ;” I probably wouldn’t read this”
Still!
Thanks so much for reading I appreciate the time you took and your feedback.
Whoo! I shoulda read this at a better time. But that's testament to your prowess!
Thank you so much for reading! What a gorgeous compliment 🥲
Really disturbing from the perspective of a child, and seeing how the indoctrination has been so deeply entrenched as to lead to a denial of sensations in the body.
Right!? Like I think that about things like circumcision. Or spanking as discipline. Why are we ignoring our eyes and ears in such situations? It’s crazy work in my opinion.
Love how you inferred the stark horror with a 'they're bad, we're good' flip. GoT (S5E9) some Handmaid's Tale and Shireen Baratheon feels, anointed with a dose of digitalis. Also some M. Night Shyamalan vibes. Great stuff.
Thanks so much for reading Johnathan and I got all of the references! I had The Handmaids Tale in me head- but you’re spot on about Shireen. How she scarcely believes what’s happening till it’s too late. I’ll never watch that episode again!
It was utterly galling to watch. I kept whispering “no, no, you can't…”. Went right off Melisandre after that - she's a whole witch/magic essay to herself. (And just goes to show Chris de B doesn't get it right every time… 😛)
She is such a fantastic character and I love how flawed she was. Like, there were moments where I felt a lot of empathy for her- she was wayyyy too sure of herself. Everyone failed poor Shireen.
I like the narrative voice in this piece. It’s kind of chilling effect to have a child telling a Grim tail. I’m sure that there’s a bunch of layers of meaning that I’m not catching with the reference, especially with the photo at the start and as a read, this makes me excited because it feels like you could read this multiple times and get more meaning as One does research ect. Really dig the world building and visualization. I was feeling like i was inside of a greenhouse.
Thank you so much for reading Miguel and for your really lovely feedback. I think I was trying to do a version of The Handmaids Tale. A lot of this stuff happens around the world. Like covering oneself completely…which I think could be freeing in some ways but making kids responsible for the actions of adults will never make sense to me.
Absolutely fascinating. I'm left wanting more and yet still satisfied, like the best flash fiction. Amazing work. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I’m delighted you enjoyed it! I’m always a bit worried when something is so grim as to whether it will resonate!
Gorgeous work, as always ❤️ stunning
Thank you so much!
Now I'm depressed. In a good way.
Hahaha! Sorry. Also thank you for reading.
a very well crafted story about victime blaming and those not taking accountability for their actions. Very well done
Thank you so much for reading!
Great story! This could be published in a market like Clarkesworld or Nightmare Magazine. If you like writing short fiction, keep them coming. I'd also consider sending them out.
Thank you George for your encouragement. I actually thought this was a bit dark for them! It’s such a difficult line to straddle…I have harm to kids and a lot of places will straight up reject. I should try though, you’re right!
Yes, the story is disturbing. Which is one of the reasons it’s good. I think that fiction should unsettle people and make them feel something, especially horror fiction. You gave a trigger warning at the beginning, so people know.
You also do a lot of worldbuilding and establish a unique voice in a very short piece, which is sophisticated writing. Not everyone has the chops to do it.
I’m not a writing guru, and I certainly don’t tell people what they should do. But I have read a lot of slush for professional markets, and I published some short fiction with decent markets back in the aughts. If I read this in the slush, I’d pass it on to the editor.
George! Ive been thinking about this comment all day because it’s one of the kindest ones I’ve ever gotten and it means a lot coming from you. I know Ive told you before but your essays are honestly among my favourite I’ve ever read.
I really appreciate your insight as a slush reader. Ive always wanted to know what that process is like!
In general, 90% of the stories you get in slush are not professionally written. Half of the remainder can be easily eliminated for one reason or the other. The last 5% are where it gets tough, especially if you love three stories but can only send one to the editor.
My biggest pet peeves as a slush reader were starting the story too early (i.e., four pages of backstory and the story starts on page 5) and being able to guess how the story ends after reading the first page. Once it was the first paragraph.
Thanks very much for the kind words. Writing is very important to me. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, but didn’t start sending my stuff out until I was 40. I made my first sale when I was 42 years old. Keep writing!
Thank you for the encouragement and that peak behind the scenes. I’m 40 now so same same. I think I was too busy and young before now though if I’m honest. Career and kids have always taken a lot of my time (not complaining the kids are brilliant jobs not so much lol)
Very interesting insights about the slush pile. I never knew that!
This was incredibly written and made me shiver. Thank you.
Thank you Doxa, I appreciate you taking the time to read it and the lovely compliment!
What a beautiful and haunting story. I’ll be thinking about it for a while. Thank you for sharing your work.
Thank you so much Karina. 💖
Man, this was grim. Great read.
Thanks Harry! A stellar review :)
It is very grim. No one wins in whatever weird world they are living in.
I hope we get more of it, but I'm satisfied if not. It's richly written.
Aw thanks so much Harry! I imagine maybe that the girls Mother is on the other side of the wall trying to get to her. But we’ll see!
Oh my god what a thought!!
We need some hope 🧚♀️
The Greenhouse is such a powerful image: something meant to preserve what is delicate slowly revealing itself as a place of surveillance, control, and sacrifice.
The sinking dread you managed to create so we slowly realize what is happening to these “foxgloves.” The victim-blaming, the infantilizing of the men who harm them like they’re the real victims, that poor kid not understanding the pain … that was rough. Beautifully written.
Really liked the name of the foxgloves and the idea with the freckles felt very different. I enjoyed reading, thank you!